My Story
In my early twenties, strangers saved me from drowning. That experience
shaped my approach to life as an adult. Realizing the fragility of life,
I learned not to take life for granted and to make
intentional choices about how I wanted to live.
By age thirty-three, I had gotten married, moved to Boston, received my
doctorate, and started a private practice. After deep reflection, I also
realized that my marriage was not working, and I needed to end it before
starting a family. The next several years were focused on my
professional
development and career. And then, in a new relationship, my focus again
began to shift to wanting a family. In my early forties, with my new
husband in his mid fifties, we decided to do some individual
soul-searching about how we wanted to live the next part of our life.
During this time, I went on a trek with other women to Nepal.
On the trek, I spent time reflecting on my life and realized how
important it still was for me to be a mother. At home, David did his own
soul-searching. When we were again together, we discovered
we were in agreement: we wanted to revisit the issue of trying to have
children, despite our age.
It took almost ten years. At age fifty, with my husband in his early
sixties and when many of our friends were becoming grandparents, we
became new parents for the first time. Now, in my mid-sixties, I have a
teenage son, Louie. With a child still at home, my life is an example
that there is no “one size fits all” retirement transition.
There are some specific advantages of being older parents. We are in a
more comfortable financial situation than earlier in our careers, and
this enables us to have more flexibility with the experiences we can
create together. Since we are healthy now, we go on active vacations
together as often as possible. Louie has grown up sharing our love of
hiking, biking, sailing, and skiing. He has told us that he loves his
life and the adventures we share.
There are also disadvantages that pose challenges. We will be older than
most parents who experience an “empty nest.” After Louie is in college,
David and I want to continue part-time work as well as traveling and
spending time with family and friends. My hope is that we will sustain
our health and energy and enjoy the coming years, but we know there will
be bumps along the way and, like everyone; we will have to deal with
whatever happens.
We are out of sync as a family in our retirement transition. Louie is
still at home, and we enjoy watching him grow and develop. In some
respects I am in the “prime” of my work life, while David, in contrast,
is in a “winding down” mode, having given up his administrative
responsibilities, and is now working part time. We both want to keep
working as long as we’re capable, so no “total retirement” is in sight.
In the future, I envision keeping my actual therapy and coaching client
group small, while increasing my writing, teaching, speaking, group and
workshop facilitation and consulting. I also want to explore other
aspects of my creativity that have been put on the back burner.
As I reflect on my life, these recent years have been my happiest and
best. I am proud of my professional accomplishments, and I love my
husband, son, and community of friends, family and colleagues. Through
some health scares and challenges, I have learned the importance of
resilience and a positive attitude. David has opened my eyes to healthy
and vital aging. Although older than
me, he is “young-old.” I also feel grateful that I have a supportive
network of family and friends. I am particularly blessed with some
special women friends who live near and far. We’re there to listen
to and support each other. Having my own private practice over the years
has enabled me to control the hours and amount of my work.
My transition into coaching has allowed even more flexibility. I have
welcomed connection with other professionals interested in positive
aging through my Boomers and Beyond Special Interest Group and the Life
Planning Network, which have given me opportunities to connect with
other people on a similar life journey. My work enables me to use my
professional life planning expertise combined with my life experiences
to work with people as they are transitioning into their second half of
life.
With Louie’s increasing independence, I began wanting more creative
opportunities for myself, and writing was one of them. I welcomed the
opportunity to collaborate with Roberta Taylor on our book,
Couples
Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the
Second Half of Life. Writing it has seemed a natural outgrowth
of my speaking and my personal and professional interest in the
transitions people experience in the second half of life. I’ve continued
to learn about myself,
my relationship with David and the varieties of the retirement
transition as Roberta and I wrote this book together. Trying to find the
balance in life is a continual challenge for me.
My retirement transition is definitely a process, one that has involved
self-reflection, conversations with David, Louie, and other friends and
family. Retirement, for me, is indeed a journey and not a destination. I
hope you’ll find help and inspiration to craft your own journey while
you visit this web site. |
